When the world was sleeping I awakened to a spondylitis attack. The body was nimble and like a mashed cauliflower kept for too long to be cooked. The pain was adamant and refused to leave me and my left arm was close to amputation if need be. The time was 4 am and the day was bitterly opening up and parting the clouds with ray like fingers and was counting the seconds to the dawn. I tried to lift my arm and it was stuck to the bed .my head felt like praying to the nerves which were just driving me to the point of deep-ditch darkness. i managed to lift my frame and grounded myself on the floor and with hand tucked on my waist and my nails clinching to my skin and scratching my waist with embedded nails rooted on the left hemisphere of my waist and my right hand on top of my north eastern side of my head trying to wipe away my cold wet sweat almost crystallised in fear and acute pain. The thinking lines on my forehead was shining in the almost morning glory light.
I made my way to the living room like a crazy serpentine to look for some solution to the rising pain. I started counting numbers in the dark backwards and kept missing one to the other.
Please note: (when you are in love and your girlfriend has left you dry , try counting 100 to right down to 1, it helps take your mind off pain)
I was stuttering in this inexplicable pain which was driving me mad.
And in spite of all the counting numbers falling off the mouth and the scratchy nails on my left hemisphere of waist leaving blood stains i kept scratching my left forehead for a remedy or some kind of relief.
Pain was crossing barriers and the pockets of pain were spreading to the neighbourhood. The colonies of pain had spread from the nape of my neck to the elbow bones and were quickly running toward my fingers.
The tips of my fingers had already stopped responding to neuron messages. I was hunting in my living room and was looking frantically for a respite and my teeth was cluttering and the darkness in the room was frightening and I heard voices in my head and it said musical!
I jumped at my iPod and shoved it in the dock and sent some electricity to the machine and waited like a ration shop for my quota of music for my pain. What kind of music will emanate from the surface of apple and the wait was endless and like a camera almost closing on a tight lens of hundred with tight magnification to catch my expression. By then, it was almost 4 12 am.
Beethoven symphony nine raised its magic into my living room and i quickly sent motor neurons to my head and asked them to send me a wonderful thought to take my head off the pain. And Beethoven did exactly that-like a flash it descended on me that i was few hours away from something really historic and bloody important. I was trying to talk to myself in that numbing slithering pain to find an answer to that question.
And the ridiculous naughty pain had almost reached my pain and my arm felt like a pyre on fire and i had to find an answer to that question.
And suddenly it popped up- Kaminey releases in few hours all over the world. Bloody hell! How could a stupid spondylitis attack deprive me of my first hard work waiting to be unleashed to the world? It was magic. A triumph over my life. A sheer sign of perseverance and patience. Poof! The pain stopped registering on my head and by then Beethoven had reached crescendo and the vapours of triumph and already fumed the whole living room. The light was just asking the permit to rise and shine like a stainless steel thali .a little smile cracked upon on my right end of the lips and my right arm fixed the man a small scotch on the rocks. Time: 4 19. Beethoven was packing up; the pain had kept striking the doors of my mind but with no reply.
Time 4.21 am: i fixed myself another scotch on rocks. and the song changed to John Mayers BIGGER THAN MY BODY.
Someday I will fly
Someday I will soar
Someday I will be so damn much more
Coz I am bigger than my body gives me credit for Why is it not my time?
What is there more to learn?
Shed this skin I am trippin’ in
Never to quite return
And the music just engulfed me into a plethora of images to the point of no return, it was so apt and just and shot my drink down my throat and the guitars were taking over my mind and i had become a slave to happiness.
Kaminey released next morning and i was born.
Dedicated to the great maestro Mr Vishal Bhardwaj who gave me the birth and Gulzaar sahab for his song which made me to enter the galore!
Life is unpredictable. Let’s keep it like that and not let it talk to you.